Aries 
March 21 - April 19
A good day to wait for Owner to use the bathroom without latching the door. Barge in and watch.
Taurus 
April 20 - May 20
You're more than likely to jump onto the counter top, slide across to the far side, and knock the coffee maker into the sink. Best thing is just to stay on the bed.
Gemini 
May 21 - June 21
We're sure glad there's two of us, so Owner never knows who to blame for that hairball on the Oriental rug.
Cancer 
June 22 - July 22
We really like that cheap cat food the best, but it just isn't right to allow Owner off easy. Complain until she puts down the good stuff, then go for the cheap stuff.
Leo
July 23 - August 22
If it's alive, today's a good day to bring it to Owner's bed. Spiders, mice, anything we can find.
Virgo 
August 23 - September 22
You've been one class A witch all week, Libby, and Owner is about to walk you over to the nearest ethnic food mart, so today's a good day to just back off and purrrrr.
Libra 
September 23 - October 22
We don't want the best. We don't want the most. We want it all! After all, it's only fair...
Scorpio 
October 23 - November 21
There's a new kitten in the house, cuter than we will ever be ever again. Shove it down the laundry chute.
Sagittarius
November 22 - December 21
A new cashmere sweater, isn't that nice? That'll teach Owner to believe that de-clawing is barbaric.
Capricorn 
December 22 - January 19
Tomorrow is Owner's big job interview. Sleep all day today so we're fresh for a wild night of chair tipping and bed hopping.
Aquarius
January 20 - February 18
The water dish is dirty and Owner is too lazy to clean it. Drop some food in it before tipping it over onto the Oriental rug.
Pisces 
February 19 - March 20
A good day for Neddick to eat that Christmas tree tinsel that fell behind the couch last December, just so he can drag it behind his butt when Owner's dinner guests arrive.